Your Friend/Coworker got fired - What HR Wants You To Know

Susan Ways, SPHR

Susan Ways, SPHR

Head of Human Resources, Administration and Compliance at Nobelpharma America, LLC

Published Jun 26, 2017

Your friend and coworker just got fired. When you hear from her she tells you her side of the story and are convinced she was victimized! After all you know her to be a wonderful person. You like her and have no reason to question her version of what happened. What you don't know is there is another side of the story that you will probably never hear filled with longstanding issues that you were mostly unaware of.

The organizations that I have worked for have all been fairly respectful of employee's privacy and have maintained confidentiality in mediating employee performance and behavior issues. Even when other employees know this they often feel confused and sometimes a bit confused and betrayed when a coworker gets fired.

There is no easy answer to this dilemma and I often wish that HR could tell their side of the story but it just isn't that simple. Here are 10 things that HR hopes you understand when your coworker gets fired:

  1. We tried. In all of the organizations that I have worked for we had some type of progressive discipline policy that we followed in almost all cases. There are those extreme incidences that result in immediate termination but I can count on one hand how many of those I have experienced. Typically there are steps of warnings on the heels of several conversations. Employees improve for a period of time it isn't sustained. There are typically several coaching conversations, offers of support and gentle guidance before things get real and warnings are formal. Organizations don't like to fire people and, as the HR representative, I am judicious about making sure we gave an employee every chance possible.
  2. This decision wasn't made lightly. I have worked with managers who agonized over a decision to terminate. Oftentimes they want to extend one more chance or a workaround. I have even found that managers wait far too long to terminate because they just don't like to terminate employees. When behaviors go unaddressed for a period of time, it is tougher to performance manage and can create confusion around an apparent change in expectations. Expectations most likely didn't change, what changed was the manager's patience or ability to tolerate the situation any longer.
  3. It isn't always as it appears. It is easy and sometimes enticing to blame the company for a termination that doesn't make sense. When you hear the story that your friend or co-worker tells you, it is only part of a story and sometimes it is not a truthful version. Keep in mind that when people are terminated, even if they know why, they may be angry, hurt and/or embarrassed and trying to save face.
  4. Pay attention to intentions. When someone is fired they will experience a range of emotions which is natural and to be expected. Some people become vindictive and try to get back at the company in covert ways such as turning other employees against them or encouraging them to quit. When you listen to their version of what happened, make sure you are carefully considering their intentions and assessing if they have your best interest at heart. I have seen several employees get swept up in the Malay of someone else's beef with the company.
  5. Communication is tricky. Sometimes companies will make an announcement that someone is no longer with the company and other times they won't. It all depends on the nature of the termination. If communication doesn't go out it isn't because the company doesn't care it is because they are concerned about the backlash from the communication or it simply may not be the company practice. There isn't a sinister reason behind lack of communication.
  6. It is okay to ask questions. Of course, HR or your manager may not be able to provide details for you but if you have a concern that directly pertains to you such as; the terminated employee has contacted you with their version of the story and it is concerning to you, that is fine to discuss. While details surrounding the termination may not be able to be discussed, details that pertain to company protocol, how terminations (in general) are handled and what the information means to you can be. I have always welcomed and appreciated these discussions as I never want other employees experiencing angst.
  7. Be careful on all sides. Whether you are providing information to a company about a terminated employee or providing information to a terminated employee about the company, be careful. There have been several times where employees thought they were being helpful to the company or being a supportive friend to a terminated coworker and they have gotten swept up in the situation. I have seen employees fracture friendships, have their character put in question by the organization and even be asked to testify in a lawsuit based on comments they made. Keep your boundaries solid and focus on you.
  8. It is okay to be friends. Companies understand that relationships are built at work and just because someone wasn't a good fit for the company doesn't mean they aren't a good friend. It is okay to stay connected with a fired co-worker on social media or in person. It is your choice. The key is keeping the friendship and your job separate. I can personally tell you that I still keep in touch with several people I worked with who were fired and some I consider close friends. It is a tough balance to strike but if a relationship is important to both of you, you will figure it out.
  9. Sometimes it is unfair. Unfair and illegal are two separate things and sometimes terminations happen under situations that seem unfair. It can be a personality conflict with their supervisor, a company layoff or a situation that has gone unaddressed for a long time that suddenly gets addressed. I have experienced all of these and could write a separate blog on just those. When a situation is unsalvageable, it is best to part ways both for the employee's and company's best interest.
  10.  You do you. In the end, you need to focus on you. What is in your best interest and what makes you feel comfortable. Your work experience isn't the same as someone else's and you need to concentrate on your career. Don't make your feelings about your boss, company or job based on someone else's experience. They are separate and you should evaluate them as such.

Susan Ways is the President & Founder of Inspired Success Coaching. As an influential leadership coach, public speaker and behavioral change agent her methods are transformational. For more information visit www.inspiredsuccesscoaching.com

Check out my book Step Into Your Power http://amzn.to/1EQIKo9

Follow me on twitter @inspiredsusan

  • Strong Women Support Strong Women - The 8 Mindsets You Need To Excel At This

    May 11, 2020

  • 5 Tips To Create A Work Environment Safe For Grief

    Mar 9, 2020

  • 5 Interview Mistakes Companies Make Which Negatively Impact Employment Brand

    Aug 5, 2019

  • 5 Reasons Why You Should Always Sit In The Front Of A Meeting

    Jun 17, 2019

  • What I Learned In My Year of Grieving

    Jan 21, 2019

  • Stop Making Excuses and Start Making Changes

    Oct 15, 2018

  • 10 Ways To Believe In Yourself, Even When You Have Plenty Of Evidence Not To

    Jun 18, 2018

  • 8 Reasons Why Employees Stay In Toxic Organizations

    Jun 11, 2018

  • 6 Strategies When Your Boss Bullies You

    May 21, 2018

  • Top 6 Reasons Toxic People Get Away With Their Behavior

    May 14, 2018

Others also viewed

Explore topics